


remember me

by LoversAntiquities



Series: Codas [34]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Confessions, Episode: s14e12 Prophet and Loss, Gen, M/M, Season/Series 14 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-21 00:00:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17632256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoversAntiquities/pseuds/LoversAntiquities
Summary: Dean listens to the Impala idle for a good few minutes before he hears Sam even make a move to leave, his sigh radiating disappointment. Head thumping against the steering wheel, he watches Sam peel himself out of the front seat with all the exhaustion of a man that let his anger get the best of him, and slam the door in his wake. The trunk pops open, thunks closed; footsteps echo across the garage, and still, Dean sits, blinking with wet eyes, nose pressed to the center of the wheel.“Get out of the car,” Castiel says from the backseat, and Dean’s stomach clenches even tighter.





	remember me

Dean listens to the Impala idle for a good few minutes before he hears Sam even make a move to leave, his sigh radiating disappointment. Head thumping against the steering wheel, he watches Sam peel himself out of the front seat with all the exhaustion of a man that let his anger get the best of him, and slam the door in his wake. The trunk pops open, thunks closed; footsteps echo across the garage, and still, Dean sits, blinking with wet eyes, nose pressed to the center of the wheel.

“Get out of the car,” Castiel says from the backseat, and Dean’s stomach clenches even tighter.

“Come on, man,” Dean groans, hands clasped between his knees. “Already got punched in the face once today, I don’t need—”

“Get out of the car, Dean,” Castiel repeats, patience dwindling—and Dean has never been one to deny him.

Dragging his body out of the front seat takes more effort than necessary, but Dean manages it, feet to the concrete and hands at his sides. He barely gets the door closed before Castiel is on him, arms tucked under his own, hands fisted into the back of his flannel. Less of a hug and more of a grapple, but Dean takes it for what it is, face pressed into Castiel’s neck.

Castiel grips him tighter, jostling him a bit. “I could kill you,” he mutters, nails digging in. Dean’s eyes well, emotion finally pouring free. “But you’d probably like that too much.”

“Cas,” Dean says—attempts to say, heart in his throat and body trembling, and not just from the cold. “Cas, you don’t gotta—”

“Apparently I have to.” Pulling away, Castiel keeps close, hands to Dean’s cheeks, thumbs gathering up the tears at the corners of his eyes. “You’re under the belief that no one cares about you, that without you, the world would be a better place. But you fail to even remotely grasp the impact your life has had on those you love, on every person you meet. You just got Mary back, and having to watch her lose her son again, knowing she couldn’t get you back, even if she tried? Sam,” he stops, catches Dean before he falls forward. “Sam would be a ghost, the thought of you always on the back of his mind. And until he died, he’d wonder if you were still alive, if Michael was keeping you awake.”

Dean swallows, lower lip between his teeth. “And you?” he asks. Clinging to Castiel’s coat, he continues, “How much would you hate me for it?”

With a growl, Castiel drags him back into an embrace and slaps his shoulder, just rough enough to keep him alert. “I’ve died for you, Dean Winchester,” he says, voice dropping to a whisper. “I’ve murdered with these hands. I’ve razed demons and my own home. I’ve thrown myself in front of the fire, knowing I might not survive, and knowing full and well you would never forgive yourself. All in your name, all to keep you safe.

“But at the same time, I’ve touched you.” A hand smooths down Dean’s back, resting his above his belt. “And I’ve known what it feels like to be admired, to be appreciated. I may not be your family—”

“Of course you are, what—”

“—but I’m more than that, more than you’re willing to admit. And believe me, for as long as I walk this earth, I would never forget you. I’d spend centuries listening to you pray, fighting the urge to drag you up from the depths myself. All the while, if you had just listened to us, we could’ve fixed this.” He shakes his head; Dean tucks in closer, hiding the tears. “There’s always a way, Dean. So the next time you plan to throw yourself to the wolves, please tell me. Because until I’m no longer able, I’ll never stop trying to rescue you.”

“Fucking stupid,” Dean laughs, watery as it is. With shaking hands, he drags Castiel in closer, fighting the urge to hide in his coat, his wings. “You’d crawl in that damn casket with me and you know it.”

Castiel sighs, breath warm against Dean’s neck. “It’s an idea.”

“I’m just… What if I can’t, Cas?” Dean asks, muffled. “What if one day, he just breaks through? I can’t hold him back, I’m not… I’m not strong enough. I feel him in there, trying to break the lock, and I’m terrified. I don’t wanna die, I don’t—I can’t have your blood on my hands, not Sam’s, not mom’s—”

Warm as a breeze, Castiel shushes him, fingers stroking through his hair. “We’ll stop him. You just have to believe that.”

Dean shakes his head, sucking in a breath. “Don’t think I can. Not… Not like this.”

A hum, a tighter hold. “Well, you’ll just have to try.”

**Author's Note:**

> Uhhhh words poured out of my head at 6:30 in the morning, whoops. All I could think of was violent hugging? 
> 
> I'm on [tumblr](http://tragidean.tumblr.com) and [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/loversantiquity).


End file.
